If you lik me where can we the sex?

As annoying as it is, I always find it a bit intriguing when people message me, and then I discover that their profile says very little about them. It doesn't give me any clue as to who I'm really talking to, so I tend to try a little harder to get to know people. So when this guy Keith sent me his AIM sn and phone number, and his profile had three sentences about him and a single photo, I was curious. In this particular case, things turned out to be weirdly fascinating.

Almost none of the text messages he sent me were anything near proper English. In fact, most of them were so bad I thought perhaps English wasn't his first language. Turns out he was born and raised in central Connecticut. That just makes his slaughter of the English language more hilarious, and also kind of sad.

He said: U with a big eyes in u pic
I'm assuming he meant: You have big eyes in your profile picture.

He said: Wood you lik that
I'm assuming he meant: Would you enjoy that?

He said: I wann the sex with you
I'm assuming he meant: I would like to fornicate with you.

He said: Nothing about ju
I'm assuming he meant: I'm not doing anything right now. How about you?

He said: Well did u a test
I'm assuming he meant: Did you attempt to verify this?

He said: Get me she aim s n
I'm assuming he meant: Would you please tell me her AIM screen name?

He said: What we gannn to we meet
I'm assuming he meant: What activities could we partake in upon our meeting?

He said: Can i did eat u puss
I'm assuming he meant: Would you allow me to perform oral sex on you?

He said: Yea y was u gann meet me
I'm assuming he meant: Yes, but then why were you planning to meet me?

And last, but definitely not least:

He said: If you lik me where can we the sex hun
I'm assuming he meant: If you discover that you have feelings for me, where may we express those feelings in a physical manner, darling?

He also asked me (in similar sentence structure) if I wore thongs literally every day for a week. Each time, I answered, "You asked me that yesterday". He also repeatedly asked for sex despite the fact that he knew I have a boyfriend. It also came up in conversation that he didn't know what a tailbone was, but at least he promptly googled it.

The truly epic moment came when I mentioned I was hanging out with my sister, and she asked if she was single. First off, guys, it really doesn't impress a girl if she rejects you and you ask if she can hook you up with someone else. If we didn't like you, why would we pawn you off on our friends? Secondly, when I told him my sister was only 14, he then admitted:

"7 yrs ago i was gann meet at 13 girl but it was a cop"

He would have been 24 at the time. He said he spent two hours in jail for this. That in itself almost disgusted me more than the fact that he tried to bone a kid. After he told me that, he pretty much figured out he was never going to stand a chance with me, and stopped messaging me. I can't say I'm disappointed.