I am absolutely FUMING

So, I've been talking to this 21-year old guy who lives an hour or so away from me for about two weeks now. He even has my screen name, haha, so as you all know, he's weaseled his way into my little circle of trust. He's always reminded me a lot of a friend of mine, really respectful, polite, well-spoken, gentlemanly type. He's not particularly attractive, but he doesn't hit on me much, so all is well.

Today I finally got around to adding him on Facebook. And believe me, that takes A LOT for me to do, since so much of my personal information is readily available there. I took a look at his pictures, and I honestly had to laugh. This guy is a 6-foot, chubby, white guy, with "Look how gangster I am" pictures. I'm talking, name spelled out in hundred dollar bills, holding a gun...the works. I'm not worried about the gun, mind you, I know he works in security and that's his duty pistol. But it's still highly amusing.

So, then he jokes "So how come you're not my girlfriend yet? You're hot, and I want you. Usually that's enough." I laughed and we kept talking as we looked through each other's profiles. Then he says "Some of your friends have me RAGING." I've known him long enough to know he means some of my friends apparently piss him off. I asked him, who, and why, and he lists off two of my best friends from back home, and another good friend I used to have a huge crush on. And why do they piss him off? "Well, cuz, I'm popular, and we don't like people who aren't like us." I assumed he was joking. Cuz, honestly, who talks like that? He HAD to be joking, right?

Then somehow we got into a conversation about what kind of men I like, and I said something to the effect of liking the type of guy who would want to protect me even though he knows he doesn't have to. He says "Oh hunny, of course you need a man to protect you." He proceeds to tell me that women need men to protect them because we're defenseless, and he literally called me FEEBLE. I'm sorry, but when I think of "feeble", I think a little old lady. And weak I most certainly am not. For the record, I'm a criminology major, planning on becoming a police officer after graduation. So I REALLY don't take kindly to a man telling me I'm defenseless. I get it, really, I'm short, female, and adorable. That doesn't mean I'm going to throw my arms up and scream at the first sight of danger, thank you very much. So he rambled about that for about 10 minutes, and of course my protests did little good. He says "I would know, after all, I work for Homeland Security." Not to knock Homeland Security, but this punkass is a glorified security officer who probably hasn't shot that duty pistol he carries since training.

Ugh. So I stopped talking to him. I was so furious I just couldn't keep arguing with him. About an hour later he IMs me. "Are you all mad at me?" I'm of course expecting him to apologize? Oh, nooo. I get "I'm just the voice of reason and people don't like to hear that." I'm sorry, but telling me no respectable police department would hire a woman does NOT make you the voice of reason. Then he says "Be naked. And in my apartment. Now." I literally laughed out loud. "Haha, yeeeeaaa. Not gonna happen", I said. He goes "Yet lol" I then felt it necessary to make it clear that I would NEVER be interested in this sack of shit.

Then the best line I think I've ever wanted to beat somebody for:

Him: Listen, lady. When I want something, I get it.
Me: Not this time.
Him: Oh yea?
Me: You're an arrogant, IGNORANT, sexist bastard. I would call you the DEFINITION of a douchebag, but at least a douchebag actually stands half a chance of ever getting anywhere NEAR my p*ssy.
Him: Well, I had pretty much taken you out of the running anyway. I could never be seen with your friends. And you really shouldn't add people to your facebook so soon, your other pictures are misleading. Peace the fuck out.

Ooh, ouch. "Oh yea, well, I never liked you anyway, and, you're face is icky and I hope you get cooties. A hur hur hur." Great comeback dude.

Let me say one thing, I even asked one of my best friends if my pictures on my dating profile were misleading, cuz he is probably the worst judge of pictures. At least once a week, he'll send me a face shot of a girl. "Is she fat?" It's not his fault, girls only post the most flattering pictures of themselves. So I asked him, and he just laughed. No secret, fellas, I'm a big girl. That would be why I have full body shots of myself posted. I got nothing to hide. ;)

I don't think he quite understands how this works...

So, last night before bedtime I got a message from an 18-year old guy from my state. I look at his profile, and he honestly looks like he's maybe 14. He's got kind of a chubby little baby face, but he seems nice. The subject of the message is "hey wanna be friends?" and the message itself says "This is great this thing is free right. I don't know how to use it though, you are nice." Since I AM nice, I actually responded, and then I went off to bed.

In the morning, I checked my inbox, and I had FOUR messages from this guy.

"RE: Hey :3 -- I'm new using this, and I wanna meet some people, nice girl maybe, I don't know. Tell me about you"

"You got anything to say? -- it no good when i get no response back, say something"

"hey reply back will ya -- Ive been trying to talk to you, are you getting this"

"hey you very qiete, say something -- lets go to a movie, do you wanna do that"

So I messaged him back explaining that while this site HAS an instant messenger, he was not using it. xD He hasn't said anything back to me since.

On another note, I personally have a rule about not giving my screen name out to a guy until I've talked to him long enough to know he's *probably* not a total creep. I used to give my screen name out from the get go, MONTHS ago, and I literally still have guys from back then trying to IM me, despite the fact that I have literally not acknowledged them in about six months. So, I've learned my lesson. Given, I'll admit I still end up having to block people after chatting for a while, it tends to keep my headaches to a minimum.

Now, I still get asked for my screen name all the time, and most guys are more than happy to respect my answer when I say I'd like to get to know them better first. I've literally had guys, though, that just stop talking to me all together upon hearing that, for whatever reason. My guess is they're likely just looking for a webcam. Even though I don't even HAVE a webcam, it's kind of made me glad that I set that boundary, because now I can also use it to see who will *respect* my boundaries. I may start setting a few more. xD

The Most Ridiculous Argument of My Life: The Conclusion

Him: But your point is noted, even though I'll have you recall I did come out and say it much earlier today.
Me: Yes, but in a very different context.
Him: How so?
Me: You told me that before mentioning you were angry at me.
Him: Anger changes things?
Me: Yes?
Him: How?
Me: Cuz when I'm angry at people, I don't usually want to go on dates with them. Therefore that's not something I would've thought of later.
Him: Anger changes little in me.
Me: So you're this roundabout, stubborn, and cynical all the time?
Him: Cynical how?
Me: Anytime I've mentioned my ideas of relationships and emotion, you've had some less idealistic, almost robotic answer for how you view it.....Algorithms, and what not... "Circumstances never change".
Him: Thinking is just algorithmic. Learning is algorithmic.
Me: That doesn't mean everything can be spelled out and predetermined.
Him: When did I claim that?
Me: Answer me this - do you believe a person can change, and even having hurt someone before, never do it again?
Him: It always happens again. Me: Now consider this - How about a person who's never hurt someone? What are the odds they'll never hurt somebody. I've obviously been hurt, and I've hurt people. So I know circumstances change. Because if they didn't, I would've either hurt no one or hurt everybody.
Him: You'll find out the hard way, soon enough, it seems.
Me: And if I do, I'll take it in stride. But I refuse to shut out an entire part of my life because something went bad. Do you even know why my ex hurt me?
Him: No, why would I?
Me: So you can't say with any certainty that I didn't have some influence on him hurting me, that somehow something I did lead him to his actions. But I do. So it'd be fair to assume, if I didn't want him to repeat those actions, I should be more mindful of my own, and change the circumstances. But to count him out completely because he hurt me without knowing anything about what actually happened is incredibly cynical. In that same light, since I hurt you, why do you even want to go on a date with me? By your logic, I'm going to hurt you again. And quite frankly, after this whole conversation, and seeing how you're likely going to argue with me if I were to date you, the chances are good the next time I hurt you would be physically.

Hey, at least I'm honest. xD

Him: Hey, interesting conclusions.
Me: You and I have some deep-seated core differences. As a couple, they'd likely drive us to hate each other.
Him: Once again, interesting conclusion.
Me: Okay. Regard them as you will. *shrug*
Him: Why don't you tell me what you would like me to do, instead?
Me: Presently, I'm incredibly frustrated with you. I'd be happy with one of two options: We can be friends if you're going to avoid arguments with me like this, and just be straight forward about things. Or, we can drop this where it is and let it go.
Him: Doesn't it seem that both options are the same?
Me: No. I should've been more clear with the second option. The first option, we stay friends. The second option, we stop talking.
Him: Why so drastic both ways?
Me: Well, the second one is a bit drastic. Why is the first one drastic? Us being friends doesn't really seem like an extreme option.
Him: After the flirting? Yeah, it kinda is.
Me: Perhaps after the flirting it would seem drastic for us to go to just being friends. However, after this ARGUMENT, the flirting has run its course. If we dated, I'd probably end up hating you. I seldom argue with friends, but I do it enough with boyfriends. And if you always argue like that, I would literally just hate you sooner or later. Because arguing with you just now I absolutely could not stand you.
Him: Then it's best you go.

Go where? We're talking online. He's absolutely insane. How could he possibly think I'd still want to date him after all that?

The Most Ridiculous Argument of My Life: Part V

I swear, if this isn't the last one of these I have to write, I will personally cram my own laptop down my throat. He's driving me up the walls. After being generally stubborn for however long, he suddenly turns to absolutely bat-shit crazy.

Him: Consider a hypothetical situation. Consider if I were to tell you that I wanted you to do something outlandish, like cut all ties with him and your other exes and everyone else. How would you then interpret that. Would it have any effect on your actions or choices?
Me: Yup.
Him: How?
Me: It'd make me stop talking to you.
Him: Now, another hypothetical situation, more mild this time. What if I told you I wanted you to break it completely with him and date me. Would that change your actions or decisions? Would it do anything?
Me: Yes, it would pretty much tell me that you're entirely unreasonable.
Him: Ah? Before I go into my next hypothetical, I want you to expand upon that.
Me: You'd expect me to cut off ties with someone who means a lot to me to be with someone I've never even met. While I'm at it, how about I quit my job and we elope to Turkey?
Him: Next hypothetical situation, if I were to ask for a threesome relationship that had equal time with you split between the two of us? That threesome sex would be fine. An open relationship. Whatever you want to call that one. What then?
Me: Well that's less outlandish, but still a bit ridiculous at the moment. And as I've said, I haven't met you, so I can't promise to have sex with you.
Him: Fine, if you're going to restrict your answer to such a minute part of the question, erase the sex part.

I'm sorry, having sex with someone is NOT a minute consideration.

Me: Answer stays the same. I still don't know you well enough to even engage in a relationship with you yet.

Actually, I probably know him well enough to NEVER engage in a relationship with him.

Him: Now, I would like to call to your attention the vast span by which your responses differ.
Me: Ok?

They really don't differ that much. My response to all of them is pretty much that he's absolutely insane if he thinks I'm going for any of those.

Him: By spreading my hypothetical responses as such, I've covered a blanketed area of responses. All change your actions and responses. I cannot interfere.
Me: Okay, so let me get this straight then, if you WERE to ask me to do something to make this all up to you, it'd be one of those situations??
Him: ....What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you just ignore any parts of my message that scroll off the screen?
Me: I'm just trying to make sense of what the hell you're talking about.
Him: By spreading my hypothetical responses as such, I've covered a blanketed area of responses. By spreading my hypothetical responses as such, I've covered a blanketed area of responses.By spreading my hypothetical responses as such, I've covered a blanketed area of responses.
Me: And what the fuck is that supposed to mean to me?
Him: By spreading my hypothetical responses as such, I've covered a blanketed area of responses. Have you ever taken any form of geometry course?
Me: Yes
Him: So you know what a triangle is.
Me: I get what you're saying, just not as it applies to me.
Him: You do know what a triangle is, right?

Seriously? Seriously? Someone please punch him. kthxbai.

Me: Yes. I'm familiar with the triangle. :P
Him: You're aware of the fact that the triangle is the first geometric shape, in progression starting with a single point and moving forward (point, line, triangle, square...etc) that has measurable area, right?
Me: Yes.
Him: Well then. Imagine my three responses as indicating different general areas within which a response could fall. I have provided three of them so that, within the symbolic domain of possible answers, I have provided enough that you could correlate a possible response to AT LEAST one of those responses, inasmuch as I've define a broad spectrum of possible responses by which I cover all possibilities in an effort to describe and display the fact that YOUR responses are ALWAYS changed by mine.

Slow down, Einstein. Actually, all you've done was lay out three VERY similar situations, and so yes, you could determine any answer I have based off of any situation along those lines. So I wasn't exactly being irrational in assuming you'd want to put me in a situation much different that what you've described. Furthermore, of course my responses are ALWAYS changed by yours - you asked me three different questions. Ask me a fourth one, you'll get yet ANOTHER response from me. What you've failed to do is tell me what your POINT is.

Me: Okay.
Him: Well then. Imagine my three responses as indicating different general areas within which a response could fall. I have provided three of them so that, within the symbolic domain of possible answers, I have provided enough that you could correlate a possible response to AT LEAST one of those responses, inasmuch as I've define a broad spectrum of possible responses by which I cover all possibilities in an effort to describe and display the fact that YOUR responses are ALWAYS changed by mine.
Me: And so the point we've made by establishing this is?
Him: YOUR responses are ALWAYS changed by mine.

See what I mean? Clearly, repeating yourself makes your argument better! :D

Me: And??
Him: I'm getting to grow quite annoyed with you.
Me: At least it's mutual. Repeating yourself verbatim does not, in fact, make a point more clear. :P
Him: You must be braindead, then.
Me: Clearly.
Him: Because I've made it clear already why I can't have my decisions changing yours. In fact, if I have to say it again, it will be the fourth time.
Me: Okay. You can't tell me your decision because it affects my decision. And you want me to decide on my own. You've made that ABUNDANTLY clear. What you haven't told me is why you CARE that your decision affects me.
Him: BECAUSE I CANNOT INTERFERE!

Right, I forgot! That's the third rule of robotics! Duh.

Me: Why not?
Him: Personal reasons.
Me: Are you going to share those?
Him: They wouldn't be very personal if I did, now would they?

Um, yes. Yes they would. That's "secrets" you're thinking of.

Me: If you're not going to explain something to me, don't expect me to accept it as an answer.
Him: Care to share why you're ready and jumping to accept someone back who hurt you in the past?

It wouldn't be very personal if I did, now would it? :P

Me: Everyone gets hurt by everyone else at some point. You just have to decide who's worth it.
Him: No. That is illogical.
Me: Of course it is. I refuse to rationalize emotion.
Him: Emotion is little more than an algorithmic response to a stimuli as compared to previous experiences.

Oh god, don't give me that bullshit.

Me: Okay.
Him: You, however, do not appear to contain the memories of your previous experiences.

I think he means "retain". And of course I do. I'm just not bitter enough to them hold me back.

Him: Either that or you lack an algorithm to evaluate.
Me: Either that or I evaluate at a higher level than you do.
Him: I'm not allowed to interfere because I'm not beyond making lives hell if it amuses me.

So you ARE a woman!

Me: You're not taking into consideration changing circumstances.
Him: Circumstances hardly ever change.
Me: Says the cynic to the dreamer.
Him: I'm not allowed to interfere for that very reason. Because I haven't changed beyond my habit of fucking with things if I deem it worth the time and effort. Which is why I drop my emotions when they'll interfere, which is why I will not influence decisions beyond a neutral standpoint.
Me: You misjudge the amount of influence you actually have on me. I've asked you repeatedly to tell me what it is you want to make you feel better. I never said I would do it without question.
Him: I've made it clear what would make me feel better. In fact, me saying it earlier today is what sparked this off. I've said it other days as well.

Suddenly, everything clicked. And I was PISSED.

Me: You want me to go to the movies with you?
Him: Expand upon it...
Me: As your date?
Him: Is that what I want? Have I asked for that before?
Me: Yes. You have.
Him: Gradually I'm certain you'll develop a feel for logic.

You know in movies where the guy dives across a table to throttle someone on the other side? I have never been so sympathetic to them in my LIFE.

Me: You know, for someone who bases his arguments so deeply in the importance of being logical, you are the MOST illogical person I have ever spoken to. All you wanted was a date to the movies? You made a huge stink and essentially a great big argument over something that trivial? When the LOGICAL thing to do would have been just to come right out and say it and save us both the time and effort!
Him: Interesting... You still don't see the intrisic values to my argument.

Now I'm guessing he meant "intrinsic", and I won't lie to you, I grabbed a dictionary to brush up on what that meant. Basically he means "Well, I DID tell you I like to fuck with people." ....I'm going to need anger management after this.

The Most Ridiculous Argument of My Life: Part IV

Part IV? Seriously? I have to write a part IV?? This guy just won't let it GO! About an hour and a half later he IMed me again.

Him: Ya know, I actually have no words with which to describe how I feel. They all lack the power I need... Actually, that statement did a fairly good job of it.

Seriously? You IMed me to be redundant?

Me: Well, if you had to pick words that have the right idea but don't quite cut it?
Him: Why would I waste time using inferior words? They'd just lead you to the wrong conclusion, as this whole incident has made quite clear.

I honestly have no idea what he's even referencing there.

Me: I'm just trying to get a basic idea.
Him: "Basic ideas" are good for figuring out what tip to leave a waitress or how fast you should be driving, nothing else.

There's something wrong with him. Seriously.

Me: You're very cynical.
Him: What use is a "basic idea" that leaves out major points?
Me: Because I can hardly tell what direction you're going in.
Him: ....Why don't you make an educated guess?
Me: Because I can't tell if you're angry or just upset.
Him: The difference?
Me: Angry would be specifically mad at me; upset would be just generally mad at what happened.
Him: And being angry with what happened doesn't involve being mad with you?
Me: Not necessarily. It can.
Him: It does.
Me: Okay. You're mad at me. I've apologized. What do you want me to do?
Him: *shrug* That's not my problem anymore.

WTF? How is YOUR being angry not YOUR problem?

Me: Well, clearly you want me to do something, since you're IMing me again.
Him: No, I wanted to make it evident approximately how I feel. Which would, of course, be why I opened with just that rather than asking you for anything.

Oh my god. I'm dealing with a woman. Seriously. Isn't there a Jeff Foxworthy joke about his wife just sitting there going "WELL, we're out of toilet paper.....Yup, there is not a single sheet of toilet paper in this ennttiiiiree house." That's essentially what he's doing. And I'm right there with that husband not doing anything. Why? "Because she didn't tell him to!"

Me: Okay. And?
Him: I'm not sure what you're expecting.
Me: I'm expecting you to tell me exactly what you're doing.
Him: I'm afraid you're going to need to clarify on that.
Me: You IMed me to tell me how you feel and that you're angry with me, and I don't know what it is you're expecting me to do because of it.
Him: I'm sorry.... did I lead you to believe that there was something you should do?
Me: Seeing as how you instigated a conversation. And if the only purpose of that was tell me you're angry at me...
Him: Once again, I find myself repeating the exact same things I said only a message before. I started this conversation to tell you how I felt.
Me: Okay, you wanted to tell me how you feel, but don't actually want me to do anything about the fact that you're angry at me. Is that the point I should be getting then?
Him: What I want you to do is irrelevant unless you come to the conclusions yourself. I have no place to interfere in the decision making process outside of the realm of what I've already done. It's not hard to grasp.
Me: Well if you have no expectations of this conversation, starting it was kind of pointless. If you're going to tell me how you feel, but won't say if there's something you want me to do about it, there's no point in telling me.
Him: Are you utterly daft and devoid of logic?
Me: Clearly.

Can you sense my frustration here?

Me: There's no point of you telling me how you feel if you don't care whether or not I do something about it.
Him: When and where did I say I didn't care.
Me: Well if you're not going to TELL me if there's something you want me to do, I'm not going to try and guess what I'm supposed to do.
Him: Why should I tell you?
Me: Because otherwise I'm not going to know what you want. I've apologized. That's the best I can do for you. So unless you want to actually just be clear and tell me what you want, I'm not likely going to figure it out.
Him: Why do I have to repeat myself so many times to you?

Obviously, saying the same thing over and over really gets your point across if I have no idea what you meant the first time.

Him: What I want you to do is irrelevant unless you come to the conclusions yourself. I have no place to interfere in the decision making process outside of the realm of what I've already done.
Me: Then you're wasting your time. I've apologized. There's not much else I can do for you. I'm not going to bed for forgiveness. I'm not going to waste a bunch of breath trying to convince you not to be angry at me. It's how you feel. Most I can do is apologize and hope someday you get over it.
Him: Every piece of your circular logic reeks. It's getting physically disgusting to hear you continue to ignore the things I say.

Excuse me? MY circular logic?!

Me: Perhaps you're not making yourself clear enough by just repeating the same thing over and over.
Him: How is it not clear?
Me: All you've been telling me is that whatever I do is going to be pointless unless I figure it out by myself. And all I've been telling you is that I'm NOT going to figure it out by myself. All I know to do when I've hurt someone is apologize. And that clearly doesn't count for much with you.
Him: Wow...simple minded.

Right, I'm a blithering idiot. How dare I think apologizing is the appropriate course of action in a situation like this.

Me: God, what the hell do you want from me? You want me to just drop my ex and date you anyway?
Him: At this point, I just want to see what your next move is going to be. That's how detatched from the situation you've forced me to become.

I'm sorry, but since this the third round of IMs from him about this, I'm gonna go ahead and call BULLSHIT on him being. detached.

Him: Also, that did seem to be partially the plan that you had made prior to yesterday.

Yesterday, I agreed to catch a movie with him sometime. He apparently read WAY too far into that.

Me: Well, quite frankly if you can't come right out and tell me what it is you want from me, my next move is going to be to stop asking you and let it go. You can't honestly expect something from me if I don't know what it is.
Him: Correction, your next move was to attempt to tell me what your next move was going to be.

....If I had been having this argument face to face, that's the part at which I would have literally punched him in the face.

Him: Did I expect anything from you after you told me you were taking your ex back?
Me: How should I know?
Him: Oh wait, there I go again, revealing my predictions.
Me: Listen, this is it - if you've got something you want me to do to patch things up with you, spit it out.
Him: I'm afraid I'm not allowed to.
Me: Says who?!
Him: Says me, for the third time.
Me: If you're going to stop yourself from asking for what you want, don't expect it just to be handed to you.

The Most Ridiculous Argument of My Life: Part III

Things had just begun to get dicey between our heroine and a hurt, contradictory foe...

Him: How could it confuse you? I repeat: The possibility for it to become a consideration has resided soley within yourself.
Me: You've never done something you didn't think you ever would? You've never been completely surprised to realize you feel a certain way about something that happens to you randomly?
Him: Not without a period of consideration. I do not get surprised by facts that I already know, because I acknowledge them rather than supress the possibility.
Me: Fine. But I'm not you.
Him: I'm aware of that. But it still leaves me dumbfounded that YOU could have ignored it. Clearly you knew how you still felt about him.
Me: Should I then be aware of the possibility that any one of my exs could now randomly show up again and want me back? Maybe. But I'm not going to make decisions based solely on a chance possibility.
Him: You still knew how you felt about him. Yet you misled me on that part.
Me: There's plenty of guys who could randomly walk into my life and if they said they wanted to be with me, I'd have to really think it through. Does that mean I shouldn't date because of it? I can't anticipate someone else's actions.
Him: You still misled me. The very way you described things about the breakup was designed and executed to impress upon me that it was a rough breakup, but that you were through with him.

Yeeeaaa, cuz I take a lot of time carefully planning how to tell prospective dates about my ex-boyfriends just so I can fool people.

Me: It WAS a rough breakup, and I DID think I was through with him. I was so angry with him for everything that I didn't think I'd get over that. And I certainly didn't expect him to come around apologizing.
Him: This reveals much to me about you.

Right, cuz I'm a real tough read.

Me: Such as?
Him: Your fickle nature.

For the record, he has this big deep seated issue about "instability" thanks to an ex-girlfriend. He was telling me about it before. So apparently, him finding out that I'm a human being capable of changing my mind based on new circumstances was a crushing blow.

Me: I AM a woman.
Him: Obviously. I maintain that I have been decieved.
Me: If you feel misled, I am even more sorry. But I didn't intentionally do that to you.
Him: I maintain that you intentionally behaved in a definitive manner rather than admitting to me the possibility.

Can I just say I've never even met this guy? You really can't judge my BEHAVIOR if you've never seen it. Furthermore, am I honestly supposed to tell every guy I talk to that I may still have feelings for my ex if I'm under the impression that I'm never going to act on them? In that case, guys, I also have a huge thing for Sean Connery, so don't try and date me, cuz one day he might steal me away from you. :P

Me: Have you considered why I may have behaved like that? Perhaps I was acting so definitively over him so that I could convince myself I was? So that I eventually would be?
Him: How well has that worked in the past.
Me: Pretty well. It's worked on the last three breakups. I behave as though I am over an ex until I actually am.
Him: Are they included in the "if they walk back into your life" list?
Me: Two of them DID walk back into my life, and I managed to hold firm with both of them.
Him: Which differs here because...
Me: I'm not sure. Possibly because he treated me better than the other two? Possibly because I'm at a different point in my life? I can't say for sure why he's different.
Him: Futher convincing me that it'd be better for me to ignore everything, then.
Me: You have my full support in doing whatever you feel will be best for you.

At this point, I'm frustrated with how he's handled this whole thing, my pride's taken a blow for being forced to admit I'd been lying to myself about how I feel about my ex in order to make myself feel better, and I am on the verge of tears from everything.

Him: You most certainly don't argue hard for yourself.
Me: What am I supposed to be arguing? That I didn't actually hurt you? I know I did. It really doesn't matter if I meant to or not.
Him: To keep me around?
Me: I'd love to stay friends with you. But you just said you think it'd be better for you to ignore everything. And I'm not honestly sure if you mean that to say you don't wanna be friends with me or not.
Him: It means I ignore the feelings for you I've been developing.
Me: Alright then. I'm not going to argue with that.
Him: Well then, I guess there's nothing left to say.

He put up an away message.

Me: Fine. Do whatever you need to do. I'll be around.

By now, I could care less if he decides he wants to be friends with me or not. He makes such a big dramatic deal out of everything he says, as if I've made some sort of personal attack on him for the hell of it. He tries to come off so high and mighty by typing like he's writing a research paper, but he spells half of what he says wrong. Then he expects me to come chasing after him should he decide to walk away. I've never MET him. I don't think it's occurred to him that I'm not all that emotionally attached to him, as he apparently is to me. Sorry, gentleman, but until I meet you face to face, you're just some Internet guy who means about as much to me personally as those cute little kittens in the ASPCA commercials.

Most Ridiculous Argument of My Life: Part II

When we last left our heroine, she was knee deep in an epic battle of words against a most confusing adversary...

Him: Yeah...but in my eyes I would've been. Now I know well enough how to assign you to a position in my mind.
Me: Hmm?
Him: Never mind.
Me: No, what do you mean? You don't like, hate me now do you? :(
Him: No. But I know to begin concentrating my intentions on finding other people.

Oh, good! This actually ended pretty normal. Except it wasn't actually over. He stopped IMing me for about an hour, then:

Him: *hum*
Me: Whatcha humming?
Him: Just humming... you didn't respond....waited 50 minutes or so.

What was I supposed to say to that? I was just going to let it go. If he wanted a response, he should have said something. Sooner. :P

Me: Sorry. I didn't really know what to say. :/
Him: Did I offend you?
Me: No, no, I just feel kinda guilty right now.
Him: Guilty? How?
Me: Cuz I've been flirting with you for a while, then my ex pops back into the scene and discombobulates everything.
Him: Hmm..an interesting reaction and summarization.
Me: Interesting? xD I hope that's a good word in this case.
Him: The "interesting" response was matter of fact and emotionless based upon my new incorporation of the new data surrounding your response.

....What? That's an.....interesting way to phrase that.....or anything.

Me: I don't get it. xD
Him: What isn't there to get?

Why you sound like a robot all of a sudden?

Him: In fact, I was fairly sure that I explained my response more than adequately.
Me: I guess I don't get why there's no emotion.
Him: Should there have been emotion?
Me: I suppose so, though, don't ask me what it should have been.
Him: Given the choice, when responding to [your ex], I would expect an emotionless answer to be best.
Me: Why?
Him: What are the possible emotional reactions to that?
Me: idk :/
Him: Then why should I have had emotion? How would you react, emotionally, if you were in my shoes?
Me: I'd probably be hurt, disappointed, a bit sad.
Him: Wouldn't it be better, then, for me to react without emotion, given the choice between no emotion and those others?

No, because you're human, and not Spock. Spock is actually sexy.

Me: Why would it be?
Him: Is it a good thing to feel hurt, disappointed, or sad?
Me: Depends on how you look at it.
Him: How would you look at it?
Me: Responding with no emotion would typically suggest to me that you were never all that interested in me in the first place.
Him: Or, it would indicate my resignation from interfering.

Men. They always think they'd be interfering. Most of the time, guys, if a girl's in love, you couldn't interfere if you tried.

Me: I suppose. Just usually if something can come off two ways, a girl will normally assume the worse of the two.
Him: I'd prefer not to take my emotions out on you.
Me: That's much appreciated, I guess. Just, idk, I don't see a point in hiding mine.
Him: There's a difference between hiding them and not taking them out. You've already inferred for yourself how I am most likely feeling, and I choose not to subject you to me behaving that way.

Um, I'm still sticking with what I said. Showing no emotion whatsoever is not the same as just not taking it out on someone. You CAN show negative emotions without being a jerk to somebody.

Me: It just seems like that would take a lot of extra effort.
Him: Not really...just saves me from embarrassment.
Me: Why would you be embarrassed? :(
Him: Because I would proceed to make a fool out of myself, and perhaps, if provoked by your arguments, would proceed to become very insulting. Because your inference was valid.

Duh. :P

Me: I really am sorry you know. If I had known my ex was gonna come back around I wouldn't have gotten you involved. :(
Him: If I had known your ex would be a consideration, I never would've gotten involved.
Me: I didn't even know it was a consideration.

And this is where it turned ugly.

Him: Rephrase - If I had been aware that your ex could become a consideration, I never would've gotten involved.
Me: Rephrase - I wasn't even aware that my ex could have become a consideration. He just kind of started talking to me again.
Him: ...If you weren't aware that he could become a consideration, how is it that he now is?
Me: It was just a random happening. He started talking to me again, said he wanted to work things out with me and get back together. And THEN it became a consideration. I couldn't have predicted that.
Him: And you were unaware of your ability to either accept or refuse? I could've predicted it. I did predict it.

I thought you just said if you had been aware of it, you wouldn't have gotten involved? Now you knew the whole time?

Him: But given your descriptions of the breakup, it seemed that you wouldn't consider it.
Me: Exactly. I was under the impression he and I were just...over.
Him: My inference, apparently, was incorrect, as it WAS possible for you to consider it. Thus, it has always been a possibility that he could become a consideration.

It has always been a possibility that I'm going to dye my hair purple and get hit by a bus, but that doesn't mean it's LIKELY.

Me: Possible, yes, but that doesn't mean I was aware of that fact.
Him: How could you have possibly been unaware of the fact that it could have become a consideration? The possibility for it to become a consideration has resided soley within yourself.
Me: Yes, and it surprised the hell out of me.
Him: How could it surprise you? I repeat: The possibility for it to become a consideration has resided soley within yourself.

He REALLY loves to reiterate, for the record. He seems to be under the impression that repeating what you already said makes your argument stronger. I also enjoy that he loves trying to sound smart by phrasing things in the most obnoxious way possible, but he's tossing "solely" around misspelled. :P