Things had just begun to get dicey between our heroine and a hurt, contradictory foe...
Him: How could it confuse you? I repeat: The possibility for it to become a consideration has resided soley within yourself.
Me: You've never done something you didn't think you ever would? You've never been completely surprised to realize you feel a certain way about something that happens to you randomly?
Him: Not without a period of consideration. I do not get surprised by facts that I already know, because I acknowledge them rather than supress the possibility.
Me: Fine. But I'm not you.
Him: I'm aware of that. But it still leaves me dumbfounded that YOU could have ignored it. Clearly you knew how you still felt about him.
Me: Should I then be aware of the possibility that any one of my exs could now randomly show up again and want me back? Maybe. But I'm not going to make decisions based solely on a chance possibility.
Him: You still knew how you felt about him. Yet you misled me on that part.
Me: There's plenty of guys who could randomly walk into my life and if they said they wanted to be with me, I'd have to really think it through. Does that mean I shouldn't date because of it? I can't anticipate someone else's actions.
Him: You still misled me. The very way you described things about the breakup was designed and executed to impress upon me that it was a rough breakup, but that you were through with him.
Yeeeaaa, cuz I take a lot of time carefully planning how to tell prospective dates about my ex-boyfriends just so I can fool people.
Me: It WAS a rough breakup, and I DID think I was through with him. I was so angry with him for everything that I didn't think I'd get over that. And I certainly didn't expect him to come around apologizing.
Him: This reveals much to me about you.
Right, cuz I'm a real tough read.
Me: Such as?
Him: Your fickle nature.
For the record, he has this big deep seated issue about "instability" thanks to an ex-girlfriend. He was telling me about it before. So apparently, him finding out that I'm a human being capable of changing my mind based on new circumstances was a crushing blow.
Me: I AM a woman.
Him: Obviously. I maintain that I have been decieved.
Me: If you feel misled, I am even more sorry. But I didn't intentionally do that to you.
Him: I maintain that you intentionally behaved in a definitive manner rather than admitting to me the possibility.
Can I just say I've never even met this guy? You really can't judge my BEHAVIOR if you've never seen it. Furthermore, am I honestly supposed to tell every guy I talk to that I may still have feelings for my ex if I'm under the impression that I'm never going to act on them? In that case, guys, I also have a huge thing for Sean Connery, so don't try and date me, cuz one day he might steal me away from you. :P
Me: Have you considered why I may have behaved like that? Perhaps I was acting so definitively over him so that I could convince myself I was? So that I eventually would be?
Him: How well has that worked in the past.
Me: Pretty well. It's worked on the last three breakups. I behave as though I am over an ex until I actually am.
Him: Are they included in the "if they walk back into your life" list?
Me: Two of them DID walk back into my life, and I managed to hold firm with both of them.
Him: Which differs here because...
Me: I'm not sure. Possibly because he treated me better than the other two? Possibly because I'm at a different point in my life? I can't say for sure why he's different.
Him: Futher convincing me that it'd be better for me to ignore everything, then.
Me: You have my full support in doing whatever you feel will be best for you.
At this point, I'm frustrated with how he's handled this whole thing, my pride's taken a blow for being forced to admit I'd been lying to myself about how I feel about my ex in order to make myself feel better, and I am on the verge of tears from everything.
Him: You most certainly don't argue hard for yourself.
Me: What am I supposed to be arguing? That I didn't actually hurt you? I know I did. It really doesn't matter if I meant to or not.
Him: To keep me around?
Me: I'd love to stay friends with you. But you just said you think it'd be better for you to ignore everything. And I'm not honestly sure if you mean that to say you don't wanna be friends with me or not.
Him: It means I ignore the feelings for you I've been developing.
Me: Alright then. I'm not going to argue with that.
Him: Well then, I guess there's nothing left to say.
He put up an away message.
Me: Fine. Do whatever you need to do. I'll be around.
By now, I could care less if he decides he wants to be friends with me or not. He makes such a big dramatic deal out of everything he says, as if I've made some sort of personal attack on him for the hell of it. He tries to come off so high and mighty by typing like he's writing a research paper, but he spells half of what he says wrong. Then he expects me to come chasing after him should he decide to walk away. I've never MET him. I don't think it's occurred to him that I'm not all that emotionally attached to him, as he apparently is to me. Sorry, gentleman, but until I meet you face to face, you're just some Internet guy who means about as much to me personally as those cute little kittens in the ASPCA commercials.
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