I am absolutely FUMING

So, I've been talking to this 21-year old guy who lives an hour or so away from me for about two weeks now. He even has my screen name, haha, so as you all know, he's weaseled his way into my little circle of trust. He's always reminded me a lot of a friend of mine, really respectful, polite, well-spoken, gentlemanly type. He's not particularly attractive, but he doesn't hit on me much, so all is well.

Today I finally got around to adding him on Facebook. And believe me, that takes A LOT for me to do, since so much of my personal information is readily available there. I took a look at his pictures, and I honestly had to laugh. This guy is a 6-foot, chubby, white guy, with "Look how gangster I am" pictures. I'm talking, name spelled out in hundred dollar bills, holding a gun...the works. I'm not worried about the gun, mind you, I know he works in security and that's his duty pistol. But it's still highly amusing.

So, then he jokes "So how come you're not my girlfriend yet? You're hot, and I want you. Usually that's enough." I laughed and we kept talking as we looked through each other's profiles. Then he says "Some of your friends have me RAGING." I've known him long enough to know he means some of my friends apparently piss him off. I asked him, who, and why, and he lists off two of my best friends from back home, and another good friend I used to have a huge crush on. And why do they piss him off? "Well, cuz, I'm popular, and we don't like people who aren't like us." I assumed he was joking. Cuz, honestly, who talks like that? He HAD to be joking, right?

Then somehow we got into a conversation about what kind of men I like, and I said something to the effect of liking the type of guy who would want to protect me even though he knows he doesn't have to. He says "Oh hunny, of course you need a man to protect you." He proceeds to tell me that women need men to protect them because we're defenseless, and he literally called me FEEBLE. I'm sorry, but when I think of "feeble", I think a little old lady. And weak I most certainly am not. For the record, I'm a criminology major, planning on becoming a police officer after graduation. So I REALLY don't take kindly to a man telling me I'm defenseless. I get it, really, I'm short, female, and adorable. That doesn't mean I'm going to throw my arms up and scream at the first sight of danger, thank you very much. So he rambled about that for about 10 minutes, and of course my protests did little good. He says "I would know, after all, I work for Homeland Security." Not to knock Homeland Security, but this punkass is a glorified security officer who probably hasn't shot that duty pistol he carries since training.

Ugh. So I stopped talking to him. I was so furious I just couldn't keep arguing with him. About an hour later he IMs me. "Are you all mad at me?" I'm of course expecting him to apologize? Oh, nooo. I get "I'm just the voice of reason and people don't like to hear that." I'm sorry, but telling me no respectable police department would hire a woman does NOT make you the voice of reason. Then he says "Be naked. And in my apartment. Now." I literally laughed out loud. "Haha, yeeeeaaa. Not gonna happen", I said. He goes "Yet lol" I then felt it necessary to make it clear that I would NEVER be interested in this sack of shit.

Then the best line I think I've ever wanted to beat somebody for:

Him: Listen, lady. When I want something, I get it.
Me: Not this time.
Him: Oh yea?
Me: You're an arrogant, IGNORANT, sexist bastard. I would call you the DEFINITION of a douchebag, but at least a douchebag actually stands half a chance of ever getting anywhere NEAR my p*ssy.
Him: Well, I had pretty much taken you out of the running anyway. I could never be seen with your friends. And you really shouldn't add people to your facebook so soon, your other pictures are misleading. Peace the fuck out.

Ooh, ouch. "Oh yea, well, I never liked you anyway, and, you're face is icky and I hope you get cooties. A hur hur hur." Great comeback dude.

Let me say one thing, I even asked one of my best friends if my pictures on my dating profile were misleading, cuz he is probably the worst judge of pictures. At least once a week, he'll send me a face shot of a girl. "Is she fat?" It's not his fault, girls only post the most flattering pictures of themselves. So I asked him, and he just laughed. No secret, fellas, I'm a big girl. That would be why I have full body shots of myself posted. I got nothing to hide. ;)