Most Ridiculous Argument of My Life: Part I

OH. MY. GOD. Whatshisname is probably a better example of the kind of whiny, dramatic girl I hate than most of the girls I hate. He picked yet another argument. I literally just saved the ENTIRE conversation for you guys. Because honestly, I just can't put it into words. *sigh* They always start off so normal.

Him: Avast!
Me: Yarr?
Him: How ye be?
Me: Pretty good, haha, you?
Him: Lonely again.

Oh here we go.

Me: Aww :/
Him: And I still want to A.) go on a date with someone, and B.) go see a movie. Preferably both at the same time.

Me: How big is your list is prospective girlies?

Him: Well, do I put you on the list or no?

Me: Well, I hate to say it, but my ex-boyfriend has been trying to work stuff out with me, so I have no idea.

Yeeeeaaa, that's a long story for another day. However, he has told me if I want to keep seeing other people to go ahead. I don't really WANT to, though, so I figured it'd be best for me to just be honest with Whatshisname before he wastes any more of his time trying to date me.

Him: In that case: 0

Me: :(

Him: Two weeks ago it would've been 3 or so, not counting you... But in 2 weeks, one got a boyfriend and didn't let me know until I made a fool out of myself asking her out. Another one stopped talking to me completely.

I told him I hate when girls do that. It's a lie. I do it all the time. If a guy comes off as obnoxious or psycho, that's the end of the line. I also told him it's disrespectful. I suppose that part technically is true.

Him: And the third can't help but piss me off (for instance, she just walks away from the computer or her phone for hours on end to play a game without even giving me a warning)

Me: Wow, that's really rude.

Again, I'm lying. I'm not sure why I didn't just come right out and tell him that she's probably just trying to get him to stop talking to her, and he hasn't taken the hint. I guess I probably just wanted to be kind of sympathetic, since I did just tell him I wasn't going to be dating him either.

Him: So, not counting you.... my list of girls is zero.

Me: Yea...my list of girls is zero too. Cuz I pretty much hate girls.

Him: That's....not helpful.

Me: Sorry xD Trying to be funny :/

Him: Eh...thinking about it has sorta made me depressed. Not in a mood for funny.

Me: *hug*

Him: Well then....at least I found out about you before I made a real fool out of myself.

Me: I'm sorry. I wouldn't have thought any less of you regardless of what happened though.

Him: ?

Me: Well in my eyes, you couldnt have made a fool of yourself [by asking me out].

Him: Yeah...but in my eyes I would've been. Now I know well enough how to assign you to a position in my mind.

I'm being assigned a position? What does that even mean? Agh. Well. Before this post becomes a novel, I'm gonna leave you a big ominous ....

To be Continued ....

Wow, this makes sense

I think I'm finally starting to realize what Whatshisname just isn't doing it for me. He's started making these little "I'm so emo and angsty" comments. Telling a girl that girls don't like you is a pretty good way to keep that pattern going. He keeps whining that no one wants to go to movies with him, and he's obviously hinting he wants me to go with him. So ASK me. Oi. He's getting kind of depressing to talk to. I've also recently learned that he's really not over his ex-girlfriend, who he spent about half an hour telling me about. And he only told me about the last Halloween they spent together.

He also got me into this debate about why I think smoking is bad, and if I think this new digital cigarette invention is bad. He literally spent an hour picking my brain about it, and arguing with me. I don't mean offering counterpoints, I mean calling me dense and saying my points were invalid. I really hate arguing all the time. I don't mind having an open discussion, but this was getting heated. Turns out he wanted to find out exactly where I stand on them to see "how we'd be in the long run", because he uses the digital cigarettes himself. That was a waste of both our time. I may have strong opinions on something like smoking, but I judge the action, not the person. He can't seem to grasp that concept either. Things seem pretty black and white to him, and I rather dislike that.

And he's getting to be like Shy Guy where if I don't answer fast enough he gets irritated with me. I get about five billion IM's from him that just say "rawr", which is Whatshisname speak for "Talk to meeeeeeeee." I usually just respond "What's up?" so he can tell me "I'm just lonely." repeatedly. It's so......needy. He texted me while I was at work, so I couldn't take too much time to text him back. So I get a text from him that says "Whatever, I'm just going to jerk off and pass out like f*cking usual." Wowwww. Woooowwww. Wow. Just. Wow.

So, even though he's about my age, he's just generally come off like a 14 year old emo kid. Not impressive. Maybe he's having a rough week. He better not start another argument with me, or I'll probably put my face through a wall.

I'm not having much luck

I've been talking to to a guy for just over a week now. He's really sweet, a ton of fun to talk to, very affectionate, and probably exactly that kind of guy I'd want to be with. Except, I don't. I'm not even remotely attracted to him. He's PERFECT on paper and I'm just not interested. Honestly, I don't even remember his name. He's told it to me at least three times. I keep talking to him, cuz I love our conversations, and I keep hoping that if I just stick with it I'll end up actually wanting him. So far, it's just not happening. I don't really understand it.

And unfortunately, Shy Guy hasn't quite gotten the hint yet either. He still asks me to hang out every day. Every. Single. Day. He's essentially running head first into a brick wall repeatedly and expecting different results. It's pretty frustrating. It's getting to the point where I want him to figure things out so badly that it's like watching a favorite TV character. And I'm that crazy lady yelling at the screen.

What were they thinking?

Since your profile picture is the first thing a person will see when looking at your profile, you want it to be accurate, yet flattering, especially if you're only going to put one picture up. However, for some reason, there are far too many terrible pictures up. I've chosen the top five worst pictures of people to contact me recently for your viewing pleasure. Or confusion. Your pick.

5

4

3

2

1

Messaging a Potential Date

Hi everyone, my name is Christina, and I'll be posting on here on and off with some of my own stories. I've been in the online dating scene for a few years now, and I think I have some good advice to pass on to those ready to take the plunge. For me, I see online dating as successful as meeting people in real life; a lot of "No"s, a few "Maybe"s, and a select couple of "Yes"s that really give you great memories and add to your life.

Today I wanted to delve a little onto the messaging portion. I know there has been some discussion on this, but instead of focusing on what to NOT say, I wanted to give some tidbits on what it GREAT to say, to both men and women.

1.) People enjoy receiving respect, so fellas, if you think her body is amazing, you can say so, but do it with class. For example, instead of saying, "Your body gets me going" (which will make her eyes roll), try something like, "You're body is stunning!" Same point, different approach.

2.) If you guys have similar interests, mention how you like their interest as well, and then say something about it (if it's running, talk a little bit about your daily running routine, etc). Giving up information about yourself first, gives immediate highlight to something you both have in common, and second, shows your interest in her is more than just "You're hot". People like compliments, but if their desired relationship is long-term, they want someone they can hold a conversation with as well.

3.) Live near each other? Mention it! Believe it or not, there has been plenty of times where a guy I might not have looked at twice sent me a message saying how we only lived about 15 minutes from each other, and we ended up going on a few dates! Location in the online world is something you have to talk about, and what's a great way to get it out of the way by instead just saying, "Who knew that such a hunk could live only 20 miles away from me?" Compliment in a sweet way without being too forward, and highlighted a positive about your dateability!

These are just a couple ways to snag someone's attention. Try it out on your next message; you may be surprised at the positive response!

I guess technically it's progress

Shy Guy's busting out of his shell a little bit. He still does that whole "I'm sorry for everything I say because I'm afraid of what you think of me" thing, but at least he does it after saying stuff that actually could be offensive. Now he'll talk to me about sex. Hah. Great. He even bragged a little bit. That was amusing. "I'm a biology major, I could make you orgasm without even touching your vagina." That's a direct quote folks. Haha. That's hot. And also not really much of an accomplishment. Oh, technical terms. <3

Haha, anyhow, if Shy Guy's as smart as I think he is, or at least as paranoid as I think he is, our time together should be coming to an end soon. Every time I have plans that aren't hanging out with him, he gets frustrated, and I'm almost positive he thinks I'm lying to him. And I'm not - some people actually make plans AHEAD of time. He's still asking me to make spontaneous plans, and I usually can't do that. So he gives me the same old "nvm then" and I typically stop talking til he accuses me of hating him because I'm not talking. I just have nothing to say to him. Eventually it should taper off to nothing. Sorry Shy Guy, this just isn't working out.

So it wasn't really a *date*...

Remember shy guy? The one who kept TRYING to ask me to hang out, but never did? Yesterday, I realized I was going to be up near where he lives with some friends, so I invited him to come join us. Not the most romantic atmosphere, I know, but it keeps me from getting raped by some psycho. That, and if he's not scared off by my friends, he's probably not half bad. So anyhow, we planned to meet up on my college campus, and I even gave him my phone number in case he got lost. For the record, I almost NEVER give out my number to anyone. I hate talking on the phone. Anyhow, he did end up getting lost, so I asked him to describe where he was. He says "I'm in front of this massive group of people playing Magic: The Gathering." I told him to hang tight. Those would be my friends. He then proceeds to tell me how this would never happen as his college - playing games like that on his campus would get them "taken out back and shot." Wow. That's not a good way to talk about a girl's friends if you're trying to impress her. His college clearly sucks.

Anyhow, he's surprisingly even more socially awkward in person than online. He does this thing he calls "sarcasm", but I'm pretty sure it's just him being negative, then realizing it annoys me and trying to play it off like a joke. He also apologizes for everything. EVERYTHING. It gets really annoying, and I've called him on it so many times. Then he got to meet my best friend, that lucky bastard. She's pretty much my soul mate. If he can impress her, I'd probably have to marry him. She, shy guy, and I ended up in a rousing game of Scrabble. As much as I love Scrabble, I lost. By, well, a lot. Shy guy was good, but my best friend still whooped his butt. The most annoying part of the game was when he made me spend five minutes trying to see if "ahe" was a word, while my internet wasn't cooperating, even though by that point, another one of my friends had come to watch, and all three of us insisted it wasn't a word, we HAD to look it up. It ISN'T a word. I should probably note, this is the guy who wants to be a psychobiologist I mentioned earlier.

So, after the game, he asked me "Do you wanna come see a movie with me? We can take my car. Or we can keep chilling here for a while." I have a policy of not getting into cars with strange men. Last thing I need is for him to get grabby and me to end up hitchhiking home :P So, I said I'd like to stay put. Then he got all pissy. "Why'd you invite me to hang out if you already made plans with your friends?" I invited him to hang out with me AND my friends. Then he left. First thing my best friend says to me? "I didn't like him very much." Neither did I.

Oh, this is just....classic

I just had the MOST cliche conversation of my LIFE. So, a 33-year old male from Ontario (you crazy Canadians ;3) messages me, and opens with "How r u doing today sweet thing?" ...Sweet thing? People still say that?? At least he didn't spell it "thang" - I would've peed myself. I say I'm good, and he asks what I'm up to, which of course, is just sitting around checking my mail. He says, cool, he's just sitting around in his underwear. Then, he goes for it: "What r u wearing baby?" Jeans and a freaking Mickey Mouse t-shirt, duh. Then he wants to know what color panties I'm wearing. Gag me. Then the best line I think I've ever vomited to - "Mmmm are you a naughty little sweet thing baby?" Oh my gosh. Haha, I stopped laughing just long enough to reply "Not if you're going to tell Santa." Why do men almost twice my age always ask me really creepy questions? Seriously, nothing makes me feel more like a kid than a 30-something asking if I like older men. Then, he asks me if I like to talk nasty. Not dirty, nasty. My bad, I thought this WAS nasty!

On a lighter note, I've been talking to another guy for a few days now, an 18-year old from my area. I'm honestly not too interested, but I'm at least being polite and letting him talk to me when he likes. I'm not even worried about leading him on, cuz he won't flirt with me. Oh, shy guys. They're so cute sometimes. I get the feeling he wants to ask me to hang out, but keeps chickening out cuz I usually have something else I'm doing when he goes to ask. His biggest mistake is that he keeps trying to ask me to hang out that day. If you're going to ask someone new to hang out or go on a date, you really need to give them some notice. I'd advise asking at least two days ahead of time, whether you're a guy or a girl. That way they have some time to get ready (especially us ladies, we're weird, and like to plan stuff in advance) and you're less likely to be cut off by some pre-existing plans.

More complaining :P

I'm starting to trust people less and less online. I was talking to a guy who's profile says he's looking for short-term and long-term dating. We talked for a few minutes earlier in the day, then started chatting again in the evening. After about twenty minutes, he makes a crack about the fact that I was eating sausage for dinner. Okay, I set myself up for that one, and I can take a perverted joke with the best of them. Some coy innuendo was tossed at me, haha, okay then. Whatever. Then he's like "You can handle my sausage anytime. No. Really. If you want to you can. Think you can handle it?" Oh for Christ's sake. Given, being propositioned all the time probably wouldn't be half as annoying if I was actually into that kind of thing, but I'm not, and I told him that. He has not responded to anything since. Mmmmhmmm. I can't say for sure what happened, cuz for all I know, he'd dead at his keyboard right now, but if I had to guess, I'd say he just lost interest when he realized he wasn't getting any. So he just...stopped talking. Completely. I won't lie, I have very little respect for people who openly just want to hook up, but I have even less for people who claim to be looking for more than that when they're not. So yea, the message I got tonight from some creep saying, "hey u horny? im all hard and wanna play..." was entirely obnoxious, but at least he's being upfront about what he's looking for. I hate to admit it, but I'm sure there's plenty of girls who are down for the whole, hit it and quit it scene, so stop bothering the girls who aren't.

And on the other end of the spectrum, I'm getting REALLY sick of profiles that say "I'm more interested in a girl's personality than sexual stuff, weird, I know." I don't even know what to make of that. Cuz either these guys are trying to look sensitive, or they really think it's normal to use a girl for sex. If I could swear in Yiddish, I definitely would, cuz I'm fairly certain that's the only language that could properly convey this level of frustration.

Holy Pick-up Lines, Batman

If you spend enough time sending messages to new people, you tend to run out of cute, clever openers. Haha, I sent one last night that said "I'm too tired to think of anything clever. You're cute. Write back if you'd like." Sure, it's not terribly impressive, but it gets the point across. That's why I try and leave some sort of conversation starter in a few places on my profiles. My username, for one, tends to get people to ask questions. On one site, I have a tagline that says "Ask me anything :3", so I wasn't really surprised when I got a message with that as the subject. So what did this mystery man want to ask me? "Do you like a guy in good shape who has a big c*ck?". Be still my heart :P Honestly. What woman's gonna say no to that? But if that's all it took to get a woman to like you, you probably wouldn't need to be on a dating site. Try a little class. I hear chicks dig that. But anyhow, when faced with this sort of question, a girl has three options: Tell Lover Boy to control his hormones, play along with it, or pretend nothing sexual and CHEESY was ever said. The third option is usually my favorite, but I had really ought to know by now that most men just can't take the hint. After actually trying to have a normal conversation with this guy, he says, "K, enough of the small talk lol! U def look thick and sexy! You think you have a big enough ass for me to handle?" ....Seriously? Seriously! What in the HELL am I supposed to say to that? It's a shame this guy is actually really attractive, because I just honestly don't think I can even dignify that with a response.

*UPDATE* This guy just messaged me again a day or so later, to say "Thanks for the considerate response. What's the point of replying anyway? To lead someone on?" Hmm. If he's calling me rude, I think I mostly have to laugh at that. However, this time I DID reply. "Sorry, you just come off REALLY strong. It can be a bit overwhelming." And that's putting it nicely. Hopefully he takes that to heart. ;P

Just some pointers for the fellas :P

Okay, I have a confession. I'm very easily irritated by poor grammar. I have my lazy moments where capitalization holds the least of my worries while typing, but downright awful grammar makes me want to punch people. Likewise, terrible spelling and broken English annoy me as well. I can't really BLAME people for it - some people just aren't good at it, but still. I hate having to look at it. Today, I had a guy tell me he's a psychobiologist, which would be impressive, if he had spelled it right. I had another guy chat me up on Star Wars (I'm a nerd) and he spelled Princess Leia wrong. :( But by far the worst today was a foreign guy who asked me "u are sexy, nice boobs - what is size?" Oi. I can't decide if I'm more put off by the fact that I just got hit on by Borat, or that he's not the first guy to come right out and ask me how big my boobs are. Like, honestly?? Why do guys think this is a good idea?

Seriously guys, let me give you a tip: Don't ask a girl you just started talking to anything about her body. You probably shouldn't ask a girl how big her boobs are until you've already seen them. Don't ask her if she shaves until it's actually a pressing issue, and if you even think about asking if the carpet matches the drapes, I want you to first envision me punching you in the back of the head. And that's like the label on hairdryers - it's only there cuz some idiot actually tried it. :P

So, here's your typical intro...

I registered for my first online dating site this November, as a joke with one of my best friends. Within five minutes we both were chatting up middle aged men and comparing who was checking us out. I didn't really anticipate ever seriously using the site, but here I am six months later still checking my messages, getting unsolicited nude pictures of hairy men, and being entirely too nice to a lot of guys I'll probably never be interested in. Don't get me wrong, I have accepted a few dates. One I ended up dating for about a month, and we're still friends. One turned out to be a transsexual. And one stood me up after pestering me for a week to go out with him. Go figure! I've spoken to armies of ridiculous people, and the stories I've told to friends have actually caused them to sign up for these sites too. They're kind of addictive, and highly amusing, and I'm currently an active user of three different free sites. I refuse to pay for them :P

Anyhow, some quick facts about me. I'm an 18 year old female living in New England, and I use the same username for just about every site, so if you happen to be registered to a free dating site, feel free to look me up. Just, be warned, if you're ridiculous, you likely will be posted on here. After having two different guys ask me to hook up with them literally within a minute of eachother, I decided I needed to start chronicling this stuff. I'm going to at least attempt to post daily, mostly cuz something ridiculous DOES seem to pop up every day. If not, I may tell some of the older stories haha.